In case you've not heard...

...there is a wide-ranging effort among blogwriters across the country and across the world to recommend a particular charity to direct aid to victims of Hurricane Katrina.

If you are interested in donating, I would like to recommend Churches of Christ Disaster Relief Effort, Inc. out of Nashville, TN. Although they aren't one of the larger or better-known relief agencies, they do good, efficient work, and our congregation and individual members have made contributions in the past to them in the wake of several natural disasters.

Other worthwhile organizations can also be found over at Dr. Reynold's place, and at The Truth Laid Bear.

From the Volvo PR Department

I signed up a while back with the Volvo news department for stuff of interest, and this one just came through the spigot and looks as though it should fill the bill--

Drive for Life TV Special to Air on Network Affiliates, iTV (PAX)
American drivers get a much-needed chance to test safe driving skills during national broadcast

WASHINGTON D.C.- Heading into one of the deadliest weekends of the year, millions of Americans will get a timely opportunity to improve their safe driving skills through a unique, nationwide television broadcast.

More than 500 Americans lose their lives on the road each Labor Day weekend, a statistic highway safety advocates hope to combat by giving drivers an entertaining way to improve their driving knowledge and test their driving judgments before they get on the road.

"Drive for Life: The National Safe Driving Test" - the centerpiece of one of the most ambitious driver safety initiatives ever undertaken -- will enable drivers across America to take an entertaining multiple choice test that pits their driving know-how against common road hazards and situations. The broadcast will premiere in late August on select network affiliate stations. Check your local listings for times in your area. The program will broadcast nationally September 1 at 7 p.m. Eastern/Pacific Time and 6 p.m. Mountain/Central Time on the iTV television network (formerly PAX).

Between now and October 1, drivers 18 years old and older are eligible to register to win a Volvo S40 by visiting the Web at www.driveforlife.com. The winner of the Volvo S40 will be announced on the Web site in the fall.

Drive for Life is an initiative of Volvo Cars of North America, the National Association of Police Organizations and the National Sheriffs' Association, with technical support from the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration. The National Safe Driving Test was created in response to the findings of a recent national Drive for Life poll that showed while the safety of cars and roads may be improving, drivers fear driving is getting riskier.

In fact, nine out of 10 drivers polled admitted to recent risky driving behavior. Most drivers admit to engaging in at least one distraction while driving - and the list is growing due to technological devices such as global positioning systems, DVD players and text messaging. The poll indicates that multi-tasking while driving is only likely to grow, with the youngest, least experienced drivers being the group most likely to drive while talking on a cell phone or sending a text message. Among drivers aged 16-20, two-thirds admitted to talking on a cell phone while driving while nearly a third admitted to text messaging. More traditional distractions pose threats to drivers of all ages, with more than half saying they eat while driving, 17 percent admitting to reading and 10 percent admitting to indulging in a romantic moment that competed for their attention.

"We can engineer safer cars and even smarter cars that correct some driver errors," said Anne Bélec, President and CEO, Volvo Cars of North America, LLC. "But there is no substitute for urging all drivers to be more focused and committed to safety."

The Drive for Life partners created this 30-minute television special to encourage drivers to adopt safer habits. Hosted by FOX Sports anchor Chris Myers, the program aims to engagingly raise the level of awareness of drivers of all ages and abilities.

"Drive for Life: The National Safe Driving Test" puts viewers behind the wheel and asks them to make key life and death decisions. It encourages drivers of all ages to learn to avoid the simple mistakes that can lead to tragedy.

"This program is airing just days before a weekend when many drivers should exercise even greater care and caution than normal," said Bill Johnson, Executive Director of the National Association of Police Organizations. I would encourage families and individuals to watch. This half hour could save a life."

Mason-Dixon Polling and Research conducted the national Drive for Life survey in June 2005. Full results can be viewed online at www.driveforlife.com. Sample questions of the type used in the broadcast and additional information may also be viewed on the Web at www.driveforlife.com.

The iTV television network (formerly PAX) provides family-oriented programming and owns about 150 stations nationwide.

Watch:
Drive for Life: The National Safe Driving Test
7 p.m. Thursday September 1
On iTV (formerly PAX)
A few days earlier on network affiliates in some markets
Check your local listings
For iTV broadcast times in your area visit www.ionline.tv

Contact:
Daniel Johnston
1 800 970 0888
Volvo Cars of North America

I've got the Volvo, and I do pretty well when it comes to safety--now if I only had cable.

(I do intend to register for that new S40. Never know when I might need a back up for the ol' 240.)

Comment Spam!

Gee, Revolvoblog must now have gotten big enough (nearly 3 visits a DAY!) to make it a tempting target for a [string of foul expletive adjectives deleted--this IS a family blog, after all. Ed.] comment spammer to come by and litter the place. So, if you would like to leave a comment now, I've turned on the feature that makes you have to enter a code word. Sorry about that--it's an inconvenience, but not nearly so bad as having to deal with spammers.

ANYway, not much else in the way of news, other than I finally got around to switching out the lead from the voltmeter last night. For some reason, they hook it up to Terminal 13, which also has the turn signal flasher. So every time I turned on the blinker, the voltmeter would oscillate right along with it. No big deal, other than being distracting and annoying. With a tip from a Canadian poster on the Brickboard nicknamed Volvodad, I moved the voltmeter wire from Terminal 13 to Terminal 1. Much better!

The only hard part was figuring out which wire was the voltmeter. There were three wires on the terminal--voltmeter, turn signal, and seat belt warning light--and all were blue with a red strip. Obviously, the third one I tried was it. Wouldn't have been so bad except I decided to move the one in the very back first. Anyway, after a bit of trial and error, I figured it out. It also might have helped if I had realized that the wires going into the taped loom were probably NOT the ones to try, and the one that came snaking down from up at the top of the fuse panel was. D'oh!

Anyway, no posts for several days as dumb ol' work intervenes.

Paradise by the dashboard light...

Hooray! It (my nice new old dashboard, that is) finally got where it was going! I've been waiting on this for nearly three weeks now--the guy I bought it from on Ebay has pretty good feedback, but even his positive comments are peppered with notes about slow shipment. He seems to think that as long as he ships within the 30 day guideline set by Ebay that everything's hunky-dory, which is technically true, but not a great way to do business if you ship EVERYthing slowly. And he was nearly impossible to raise on the e-mail machine, which inspired no small amount of nervousness on my part. But, thankfully, it did ship and only took a week to get here from California, which I suppose isn't so bad.

Further, in what I think would be classified as a minor miracle, the thing got to the house UNDAMAGED! It was in two cobbled-together cardboard lamp boxes, and cushioned with newspaper. Not very confidence-inspiring as I pulled it out, nor was the fact that one of the mounting pins on the front edge had poked a hole through the box. But after getting all the paper off and taking a look at it, the dashboard was in perfect condition--uncracked speaker grill, uncracked defroster vents, and a pristine cover. In fact, it looks almost new. A nice thing, especially when you see the condition of the one that's in there now, which looks something like a relief map of the Grand Canyon. In any event, I'm still astounded that this big long hunk of plastic managed to make it all the way to Alabama in one piece. Now, if I can just get it installed without tearing anything up...

Luckily, there is this website from fellow 240 enthusiast Dave Shannon, who has the necessary pictures and advice.

Boy, I love them there Internets.

WOO-HOO!

Aug 29, 2005 2:20 PM Delivered Birmingham, AL

My dashboard is here! My dashboard is here!

Of course, it IS raining quite hard now. And no signature was required. Boy, I sure hope it's not a big soggy messed up pile of garbage.

Doze guys are SMAHT!

From my buddy Nate McCord over at Wasted Electrons:

Just thought you should know that on this past weekend's edition of Car Talk, with Tom & Ray, they were asked by a concerned mom about what kind of car to get her 16 year old, wannabe engineer. He wanted a car to learn the basics of automobile operation upon so he would have some practical skills to go along with his intended future vocation. The Tappet Brothers urged the woman to find a $2000 Volvo DL for the youngster's first ride due to its ruggedness and relative simplicity and the location of all its major parts being in the traditional locations.

I of course disagreed with their choice as I think a Geo Tracker/Suzuki Sidekick convertible has a much higher "cool" factor for teenage boys and their simplicity is rivaled only by the air-cooled VW Beetle. And it comes with the probability of 4WD and unlimited sunshine that no Volvo sunroof can match.

Anyway, I was thinking of you and Revolvoblog while they were yakking. You really ought to contact them and promote Rvblog as a source for those moms and teen boys they are pointing in the same direction you are headed with your Swedish beast!

Hmmm--maybe if I write my URL on the back of a $20 bill and send it in to them....

As I have continued to work on this thing, I do have to say it has been enjoyably simple. Simple is good for old farts and kids, too, for that matter.

You know, it's difficult to talk about installing horns on you car...

...without continually dropping into the Austin Powers mode. And then to think the Brits call car horns "hooters," and it just gets ridiculous.

IN ANY EVENT, over the weekend I tried to make heads or tails out of what sort of new horns I wanted on the ol' Volvo. I have long harbored a deep animosity for the buzzy little horns on foreign cars--yes, yes--I realize those swell Europeans are our cultural and intellectual superiors, but doggone it, when I blow the horn, I want people to KNOW I'm blowing the horn!

So, sometime in my daydreaming list of things to do, I thought it might be nice to have an upgrade so I can warn people when they're about to run over me. Basically, there are two options--air horns, and electric horns.

After a tremendous amount of searching this weekend, including on the brickboard, I still wasn't quite sure what I wanted, which was made slightly worse by not quite remembering whether my car had one horn or two, and how many wires it has. (It was, after all, at home, and I wasn't.) For the record, it has two pie-pan resonator-style horns, and it is a two-wire system. Had I remembered this, it might have made the selection process a bit easier.

AS FOR AIR HORNS, although the idea is pretty good, and they do have a nice increase in volume, most of the smaller sets that would fit in the available space would still sound a bit insipid--like very loud bike horns--and from what I was able to glean from the Internet, their lifespan is measured in months. They clog easily with dirt, and the small compressors that are supplied burn up with suprising speed. It's not like you lay down on the horn all the time, you know, so you have to figure the compressors must be real junk. So, given the lack of reliability and the need for continual upkeep, this route sounded like a dead end. The larger trucker horns would probably last longer, but I'd rather not have to worry about it, and there was also that little issue of not being very good with wiring. I didn't really want to figure out how to wire a new relay in my system, so I gave up on the air option.

Second option, the one I took, was to get two new Fiamm horns from Advance Auto Parts. They sell a pair in a kit that are red with cheesy chrome grilles, but instead of that, I bought two Freeway Blaster horns, one high- and one low-tone.

Installation was about as simple as it could possibly be.

Remove the two black quarter-turn plastic retainer clips that hold the grill in place. Remove the grill and set it aside. Remove the existing horn wires by carefully peeling back the rubber boots on each terminal and pull the spade connector gently until it comes off. Remove the 12mm bolt in the center support, then remove both horn support straps from the center support. Install the new support straps on the new horns--I installed mine so that the trumpet portion will face the front, mainly so water wouldn't blow directly on the contacts. The rubber boots are still in place, but there is no way to seal them on the new housing. The only bad thing about this is when the horns are put back in place, the trumpet is right against the backside of the grille, so if there's any kind of bump, it might break the grill or the horn trumpet. The straps can be bent out of the way, which I will do when I have enough light to see by--I was doing this all in the dark on Saturday evening. ANYway, install the new horns and straps onto the center support with the original 12mm mounting bolt. Only hand tighten it until you're sure of the orientation and location. Bolt the center support back on, adjust the horn position, tighten the bolts, then attach the wires back. The terminals are not polarized, so there is no wrong or right wire to hook up. Just make sure that the horn wire pairs are installed on each horn--not one wire from one horn and one wire from another horn. Using two positives or two negatives will burn it up. Reinstall the grill, and that's it. Test and make sure it works, remembering to turn the switch on so there's power available. (Volvo horns don't work unless the key is on.) I imagine the current draw is higher than the stock horn, but the horn circuit itself includes some other high-draw stuff and is rather robust with a 16A fuse, so I really don't think it will be too much.

Anyway, there you go.

"YEAH, Baby!" Er, sorry.

The worst thing?

Well, sitting here and finding out that after waiting an interminable amount of time, my brand new (to me, anyway) uncracked dashboard that I bought on Ebay is now in the Birmingham area on a FedEx truck, and I will miss being there to take delivery of it, and the guy'll probably leave it out in the open and it'll get stolen by somebody who likes to steal big long boxes. Or, it will have been crushed in shipment. Or they simply won't deliver it at all, and I'll have to go to the warehouse and get it. THE ANGUISH OF NOT KNOWING!!

Anyway, I left a while ago and had lunch with Miss Reba and some of her little friends from school. The college "gives" them a buffet lunch when the remote-learner students come to town--trust me, there's no such thing as a free lunch. And yes, I did pay for mine, even though I could have sneaked one. Pretty good, though, for college cafeteria food. Processed-to-a-fare-thee-well popcorn shrimp, baked chicken, salad, green beans, steamed vegetables, rice, rolls, tea, peach cobbler--I was good and had the salad and vegetables. And was bad and had a wad of shrimps.

Lunch was interesting--this time we sat with some of her classmates (last time we ate by ourselves) and it was an interesting chat. Moreso when one of the guys mentioned he had recently returned from active duty in Iraq. 15 months. He also was part of Desert Storm. He's a nurse in civilian life and I assume he was there as well. It's hard to convince some people about the true nature of what goes on in Iraq. As he said, the people feel trapped and confused by the terrorists as well as by the efforts to get rid of the terrorists. "Someone comes in with a gun and tells you to move, you move." But, as he noted, there's only one side of this conflict who would like to get on with rebuilding. The other side is intent on either killing all the infidels, or being killed in the process. Withdrawal is a fool's game--he was quite serious when he said quietly, "If we don't kill them there, they WILL come here." And surprisingly enough [/sarcasm], he said we weren't being told the whole story by the media--In his eyes, there really is no difference between Al Jazeera and any of the Western news organizations. "Why do they go out and show the enemy shooting at us?" The "antiwar" people of all stripes, no matter how much they say they "support the troops," were seen by this man and his fellow soldiers on the ground as an impediment, and as bolstering the morale of the enemy. Well, there's antiwar, and then there's just being on the other side. He mentioned the difficulty of life in a war zone, but that it gives you a whole new perspective on the inconsequence of complaining about how hard your job is back home, where things aren't apt to explode when you walk by.

We got up and they got ready to go back to class, and one of the women at the table gave him the standard "appreciate your service" peptalk--it was sincere, I know, but you could tell from his discomfort at getting a compliment that his sense of his contribution was not nearly so great as that of the men he'd helped who'd lost their lives or limbs. I think there's something to what soldiers say who have survived war and return home being hailed as heroes--the truly heroic will never return.

Well, Reba just buzzed me on the phone--gotta go back home now. All of you have a good weekend, and I'll see you Monday.

How Bizarre

GOOD MORNING! Sitting here NOT at the Vaughn Road branch, as I had mentioned over on Possumblog yesterday afternoon, but at the E.L. Lowder Branch on BELL Road. Oops. Anyway, this is here instead of on the mighty mighty Possumblog because for some reason the library won't let me sign on to mu.nu (it says because of the digital music, but I think it's just some kind of conspiracy). I can't even visit a mu.nu site, or reply to a comment linked from e-mail. So, it's rather odd that they allow Blogger access.

Whatever.

Anyway, the trip down was very nice. We didn't leave until nearly 7:00, though, and didn't eat until after 9:00, which for olden people like me is just way too late. Back to the room at the luxuriously mid-rate Wingate Inn, and enjoyed a fine program about the M1 Abrams tank's performance during Gulf War I on the History Channel. Tip for the Man Moment Machine producers--PLEASE quit with all the dramatic recreations. If you don't have actual footage, it looks goofy to try to make it up.

Up early this morning so we could scarf down our complimentary microwave sausage biscuits, went down to the lobby and found ourselves in the midst of a girl's volleyball team from Guntersville. Obviously, I had to avert my eyes from the smooth flesh of their long muscular legs and thei--er, never mind. I didn't see anything. And good luck in your tournament, girls.

Checked out--the morning desk jockey looked like Jack Osbourne--and we were on our way. Just dropped Reba off about an hour ago, and after a stop to peruse the goods at the Advance Auto Parts store, I made my way here for a wonderful morning of information gathering and mindless surfing. WHEEEEEEEEE!

Updates as they become available.

It's good to be the king?

Well, despite the assertion of Mel Brooks, maybe not all the time--

Sweden’s King Carl Gustaf has been involved in a minor traffic accident, with no injuries reported.

The online edition of the newspaper “Aftonbladet” reports that the king drove into the rear of the car in front of him in a roundabout in Norrköping, southwest of Stockholm, Thursday morning.

While there were no personal injuries, both the royal BMW and the other driver’s Volvo are reported to have been damaged.

"DID YOU SEE 'IM OPPRESSIN' ME!?"

Oh, hey--speaking of food...

Which we weren't, but I can't start EVERY post with, "Hey, speaking of Volvos..."

Anyway, I left for my seminar very early yesterday, because I was in near desperation to stop in and get breakfast at a Waffle House. Every so often, I just get a craving for mass quantities of the four Southern food groups--salt, fat, sugar, and starch.

So, I got to the designated exit, and not seeing anything, I took off up and down Highway 31 looking for a likely spot, and wound up at the one at the Alabaster exit (one south of the the one I had originally exited the Interstate).

Parked, went in, sat down at the counter, grabbed a menu. Small crowd--a couple of EMTs (no doubt waiting for someone to have a coronary), a older lady nursing a cup of coffee, a guy one chair away from me down the counter, and then a Catholic priest came in and took the empty stool. I watched the cook do her cooking, listened to the ambient conversation amongst the wait staff and customers. Sat.

Pretty soon, the only guy working there, a lanky old fellow with the long pony tail, heavy beard, and arm ink that point to a life lived mostly on the back of a motorcycle, came over and started talking to the woman nursing the coffee. They talked about stuff, she allowed that she had a truck that she nearly drove off a bridge, he said that was bad, and then I could see out of the corner of my eye that he was looking at me.

"Hey, that your Volvo out there?"

What pride I felt! I have been recognized for being a wonderfully discerning judge of sheetmetal!

"Yep, sure is."

"You wanna buy another'n?"

"Uh, well, I can only drive one at a time, so I probably don't need to bring another one home--someone might get perturbed at me!"

"Yeah. Well, I's just kinda wonderin. I got a '90, and I been tryin to find someone to sell to."

Now, I had no real need to know, but curiousity got the better of me.

"What's wrong with it?

"Needs a valve job."

Which really isn't that big of a deal--but he went on...

"Yeah, timin belt broke."

Oh. My.

A timing belt break is more than a valve job (which implies only regrinding the angles and installing new seals). The valves are designed that when they're open, they would occupy the same space as the piston, which is fine if the piston's way down in the bore, but once that synchronization is gone, watch out--it's basically like setting off a grenade in the engine. Valves get bent, pistons get broken, and all forward progress grinds to a sudden, irreversible, halt.

"Goodness--I bet it's a mess. What do the pistons look like?"

"Aw, I don't know--I ain't opened it up none to see. Good little car, though. Run good till it quit."

"Yep, I've enjoyed mine--but like you found out, they don't like going to long without a timing belt."

"Naw. Interference motor."

"Yep. Were you close to home when it happened?"

"Yeah, bout three miles out, so I's able to get it towed back."

"Hm. Well, maybe you'll find a buyer."

"Yeah."

And that was my breakfast conversation at the Alabaster Waffle House!

Good Morning--thank you for holding.

Your call is very important to us. Please stay on this blog until a customer service representative is able to speak with you.

WELL, now--it appears that sometime last night the Mu.nu served blowed up real good, and so this morning, there is NO POSSUMBLOG. Luckily, for the few of you who know about this place, well, there's this place. So, GOOD MORNING!

So, what all have I done? Well, the brick seminar was very fun--and I mean "brick" in the sense of a handy-sized, rectangular prism used as a building material and manufactured from fired earthen material, NOT Volvo 240s. Although I did get a cool car tag that has the Brick Industry logo on it that might look right at home on the front of Järn. Anyway, My Friend Jeff and My Friend John were there, so that was fun and we sat together and made impertinent comments to each other. The lecturer was VERY good--he is an mason by trade who went into the marketing end of things, so he had a very good technical knowledge as well as a good way of explaining stuff. Very interesting case studies and all that crap. Then lunch, and afterwards, we were told we would get to build our VERY OWN BRICK WALL!

Er, no thanks. First, I had on my office clothes, and didn't want to change and get all hot and sweaty doing brickwork. For some reason, Jeff neglected to mention this was going to be part of the seminar. Second, I've done masonry work before, and it's absolutely no fun. I applaud masons for their abilities, but there's a reason I don't do that stuff. So, after lunch, John and I bailed out, and Jeff, being a skeerdy-cat, bailed right along with us.

Then, on to work for a little while so I could get my stuff ready for this morning's meeting. And then I mysteriously disappeared again. Why?

JUNKYARD! Even though I had on my office clothes, I had decided to bring along some dirty clothes just in case I got through early. Yes, that means I COULD have changed and done brickwork, but I had much more important brickwork to do.

OFF TO PULL-A-PART, paid my dollar and walked back to the Volvo Ghetto. I had a very specific shopping list in order to speed things along. A) That folding center front armrest I had found before, B) a grab handle for the driver's side, and C) other stuff that caught my eye.

Found the armrest--it was black, and the cover was in bad shape, but I had in the back of my mind that the cover from a rear armrest might do to cover it. (It definitely will NOT, by the way.) Got it unbolted from the console and went on looking for other things. Found a clean grab handle--I'm not certain why the driver's side doesn't have one, but I would rather have one than the little covers. It makes me think I'm missing something.

Of course, I'm still missing something. I neglected to get the plastic bases that the handle screws into, and they are different from the ones that hold the blank caps, meaning that I couldn't get that installed last night. Something for the next trip, eh?

Anyway, got the handle, and then LO, WHAT'S THIS!? A BLUE center armrest! And in much better shape than the black one I was lugging around! So, I got that one. It does have a gouge in the underside corner, but overall it's very nice. I might be able to fix the hole, but it's not that bad. Really, it's not. Well, okay, it is. But still not as bad as the black one, and it DOES match the upholstery color. SO THERE!

And while I was there in the blue interior, HEY! A blue GLOVEBOX! SWEET! The front panel of mine has come unglued, and looks bad, and this one was very nice and intact. SO, out it came.

Next, I walked by several cars trying to find out if I could find a convex passenger mirror. I really prefer that, but none of the 240s in the lot had one. I noticed a 740, though, and it sure LOOKED like that mirror would fit. After some struggle getting it off, I found it does indeed match. Also, if I had only remembered what I had read in the shop manual, they are, in fact, the exact same mirror. Duh. It also helps to read the instructions for how to release the mirror from the backer plate. There is a little ring that you access from the bottom of the housing--with a small screwdriver, you gently move the toothed portion of the ring to the right, and it pops right off. Don't tug and pull, please. I'm very lucky I didn't break it.

I wandered around some more and found various tiny bits of minor junk, but the one (other) item I had forgotten was a plastic battery tray from a newer model. Something for the next trip, eh? (Get the idea there might be another trip?)

Walked out and after paying the princely sum of 16 bucks, I scooted home and changed out the mirror plate, then changed clothes to go pick up the kiddies. Got to Grandmoms's and Reba was already there.

Ooops. Parent-teacher night for Cat's class. I figured there wouldn't be a reason for going, but Reba wanted to go. Which was fine--it would give me an excuse for staying home and playing with the car. So, some supper, she ran on up to the school and to the grocery store, and I played (installed armrest and glovebox--shorting out the lamp in the process and having to change the fuse--and managed after great effort to reinstall the small lamp that had pulled out of the back of the center console panel) and got the kids rotated through the child sanitation station and into their peejays at the same time.

Took shower, wife home, unload groceries, upstairs, debrief on teacher meeting (suprisingly, Catherine is well-behaved--leading me to believe she saves up all of her silly energy during the day for home display), bed.

MEETING THIS MORNING--get there at 7 and there are already people there, which is a bad sign since the meeting doesn't start until 7:30, met, wrote tons of notes, and finished up at 9:40.

AND NOW, I find out that Mu.nu done blowed up. I hope this doesn't bode ill for the rest of the day...

"Say, Terry..."

"...surely you did SOMETHING to relax this weekend!"

Oh, silly--of course I did. I typed! Yes, really. You thought maybe I was joking about the moron thing?!

Well, it's like this--I got to thinking the other day it would be nice to have some new designs for the Revolvoblogshop, but maybe something a bit different. I mean, all the other designs are just FLYING out of there (like a dead parrot), so maybe if there were even MORE things no one wanted, it would make a difference.

I like old gas signs and junk like that--what collectors call "petroliana"--and thought it might be nice to see what all I could think up. It's a bit like what Lileks has been doing with his matchbooks, except rather than make up a story to go with a real matchbook, I'd make up a story AND the graphics to go with it.

So, I got to thinking, and I consulted with Luther, our chief mechanic here at the Axis of Weevil World Headquarters, as well as at Revolvoblog Garages. Luther has been in the business a very long time, and thought it might be fun to reminisce with some of the junk he kept from when he ran his own place.

Such as this lovely wall sign, which was professionally done by his boys, Jimmy Neil and Clew. As you can see, Luther was set on being able to fix anything, and chose to experiement with a variety of marques and found them all quite unreasonable. (You should be able to tell this is a fictional sign, because no one actually can fix anything made by Lucas.) He ran his shop in Godly Hollow from 1945 to 1953, 1955 to 1956, 1958 to 1965, 1969 to 1978, March, 1982 to May, 1982, and finally from 1983 to 1996, when he came to work for us. The intervening years he did other things, about which he will not speak.

Some of the stuff he has include several things from the various gasoline companies he sold for over the years. Again, these aren't real companies, but they could be if someone had ever existed to create them. First up, Re-Di-Co, founded in 1908 by three sisters in Gadsden who were tired of the smell of the gasoline of the day (which smells pretty much like it does today) and contracted with a laboratory to produce something for their motorcar that stank less. Work proceded on this until the Great War, when the enterprising scientists of the lab convinced the War Department that an odorless fuel could give them an advantage over the Huns. The government granted the laboratory a stipend of over $3,000, and although the promise never was quite fulfilled, the sisters soon went deaf-of-smell and the Germans were defeated, so it didn't really matter. The company sold just plain old gasoline until 1946.

Dot gas came out in 1940, and was sold in three counties in Alabama and one in Florida. It was inexpensive, and not a very high quality fuel, and sales relied on pleading with customers to buy their gas and on product giveaways, such as Dot dishes with the colorful Dot logo in the center. The company folded in 1950, after being purchased by the Spot Oil Company.

One of the more vigorous of the local oil companies was the Deep South Petroleum Corporation, makers of the Penn-Ala-Tex line of products and boasting of offices in Houston and Birmingham. The offices were both just answering services, and although the products were made of the "finest blended Pennsylvania and Texas crude," it really was nothing more than a mixing and blending operation using other companies' products, located in a warehouse in Huntsville. Something like the way enterprising entrepreneurs take tap water and bottle it, then sell it as something better than plain old tap water, Penn-Ala-Tex prided itself on being able to sell a whole lot of sizzle without much steak. The tagline "It's STA-BIL-ATED!" was meaningless, but the company managed to do quite well for itself with such meaninglessness, until all of the money ran out and the offices moved to Argentina.

Luther also found one of his favorite bits of ephemera, or as he charmingly calls it, "trash," in a booklet from the Cotton State Oil and Gasoline Company, makers of Bama-Lene brand products.

Cotton State's founder and CEO, Wilson L. Peltipuller, was a stickler for modernity and the scientific method, as well as something of a germophobe who valued cleanliness in everything he touched. His insistence on sanitation extended to his products, which he claimed to be so pure as to be potable. The advertising for Bama-Lene touted its healthful benefits for both cars and humans, and to prove the point, he often drank small quantities of his company's gasoline as "a refreshing digestive purgative," would wash his hands in towels dampened with a mixture of naptha and kerosene, and used a mixture of light petrolatum and benzene as a pomade.

Mr. Peltipuller died on April 14, 1956 at the age of 103. His cremation was a five-alarm affair that lasted a week.

We hope you've enjoyed this trip down nonmemory lane, and invite you to think of the "Luther's Garage" Collection when it comes time to buy gifts for your loved ones!

(All graphics copyright Terry Oglesby, obviously.)

You ask, I find out!

For the recent visitor who stumbled on this little corner of the world who was searching for the horsepower of a 1986 240DL, from this Volvo factory webpage we find that the mighty B230F engine pumps out 114hp (SAE net) @ 5400 rpm, and 136lb-ft of torque (SAE net) @ 2750 rpm.

(Possibly a pedantic point, but torque is expressed as "pound-feet," not "ft./lbs." as shown on the webpage.)

Thank God it's a tank, indeed!

A crunched fender and some palpitations, but it appears yet another family is grateful for having a steel box to drive around in!

(Hat tip to Jordana, as usual.)

BERGMAN! VOLVO! DUKE BOYS! SCARLETT JOHANSSON! IOWAHAWK!

Thanks to Dave Helton for this link to the ever inventive Iowahawk, and his treatment for a worthy successor to the original Dukes of Hazzard show.

A place to rest your head.

The weekend past was one of great fun and exhaustion, especially exhaustion. Let me tell you, working on a car in the middle of the summer in the middle of the afternoon can be rather hot.

ANYway, it was time to install the headrests I purchased last week. They have been liberally doused with vinyl reconditioner to keep them nice and squishy, and I was pretty much all ready to go, although I wasn't exactly clear on the process, never having done it before nor having anything really to go by.

So, here we go--BUT FIRST, a disclaimer. Nothing in the following is intended to be official information of any sort, and any work you do is at your own risk. In other words, don't try to blame me if you mess something up. Second, it is not a good idea to remove and relocate safety equipment from one car to another, and it can, in fact, be more dangerous than just leaving well enough alone. Caveat mechanicus.

Now then, why do this in the first place? Well, I don't know, other than the fact that I like the added safety of the rear headrests, and I think the car looks better with them. That's pretty much it. That, and they can be added easily. More or less.

Anyway, the first step (after getting the headrests, that is) is to have your tools at the ready--a 10mm wrench and an X-Acto #11 blade and handle.

Begin by removing the bottom cushion of the seat by grabbing it in the middle back by the armrest, and pushing back slightly and pulling up to get the metal retaining bar unhooked from the body-mounted hook in the floor. Tilt the cushion forward and take it out. Good time to clean it, by the way.

And a good time to take stock of all the junk that can accumulate under a seat cushion. Mine had a couple of pencils, and an assortment of "loose" change. Loose in quotes, because it was gummed solid to the floorpan by some sort of gummy gooey gum. I thought briefly about prying the stuff up, but I figured I'd leave that for the next owner. Here's what I found.

Next, the rear seatback has to be removed--there are two metal loops on each side down by the floor (here's the one on the driver's side) held in place by two sheetmetal tabs (like this). Bend the tabs up, gently pull the bottom of the cushion outward to clear the tabs, then quickly lift the seatback upward. This might require a bump or two from your hand or a couple of tugs in order to get the metal loops on the rear of the seat up out of the body-mounted metal hooks attached to the rear bulkhead.

Lay the seat aside (again, a nice time to clean it) and then you're ready to start the fun part. Inside the trunk are four small black metal spring-clip buttons that hold the fiberboard trim panel in place. Pop these buttons out and put them in your spare parts tray. The holes they came out of will be the mounting holes for the headrest brackets.

I mentioned the other day about the clips that hold the brackets on the support rods--this is a picture of one of them. Just press slightly and after the notch in the support rod has cleared the retainer, the brackets (or the headrests) come right off.

Take each bracket, and reaching into the trunk from the inside of the passenger compartment and through the trunk pass-through, place the nylon upper end of the bracket into the hole in the parcel shelf that is directly above the little hole where the button came out. This picture shows the passenger side location. The bottom end of the bracket with the threaded portion should then fit right into the small hole. This might take a bit of fidgeting and grunting to make them align just right, and in my case, I had to move a speaker wire out of the way so the fiber panel wouldn't stand out too far from the bulkhead. After the threaded portion pops through the bulkhead attach the nut and tighten. Repeat for the other three brackets. This is what they look like installed from the inside, and what they look like in the trunk.

Time now to make the cut into the fiberboard parcel shelf cover. Take a new X-Acto blade mounted into a handle and carefully press it into the fiberboard. Using the bushing in the mounting bracket below as a guide, carefully cut away the material to make a hole for each of the four support rods. Be careful not to nick the nylon bushings or to cut away more than necessary.

Clean up your mess, grab your headrests, and guide each support rod through the parcel shelf holes and into the bushings and press down firmly until they all click into place. Done!

Reinstall the rear seatback by hooking the metal loops over the hooks--this is much harder to do going in than it was coming off, and you have to make sure the hooks have actually caught and the seatback is firmly set. Place the loops at the bottom back over the retaining tabs and bend them back down, then reinstall the bottom cushion. After all that, everything should look like this.

Now then--difficulties. Yes, there were some. Mostly in not realizing the best sequence of destruction and reattachment, and the nigglesome problems of making sure things were out of the way. If you have your stuff together and follow the outline above, this is maybe a thirty minute job. However, if you maybe try to be smart and cut a hole out first before you install a bracket, it might make things last a bit longer. If you have one of the seatbelt buckles caught up under the rear seatback cushion when you go to install the lower one, and have to nearly disassemble everything just to get it out, it can take longer. If it's a thousand degrees inside the car and you're already tired and brain-dead from being out cutting grass in the blazing sun, it can take longer. So, be sure to have plenty of water around. And don't be silly and have to do things twice.

The only lingering problem is the rear speaker grills--these are the nice big factory accessory speakers with the cheesy metal ring around them, and they're a bit too big to fit in the shelf alongside the rubber boots for the headrests. So, I'm going to have to do a bit of fabrication to fix a suitable cover for the grills. I'm not too worried about that, though.

Another way to look at gasoline prices.

Everyone's talking about the high price of gasoline, and it is indeed higher in raw dollars than ever. But there's always a couple of different ways of looking at things. One of the most intriguing is a chart I've linked to on several other occasions that was put together by a fellow named Stuart over in Texas.

He's kept up with his gasoline receipts for 992 fill-ups, from April 1979 to July 26 of this year. Here's the graph, and as you can see, although gasoline prices have been trending upward since around 1998 or so, the actual cost as adjusted for inflation would be about the same as a gallon purchased in 1979 before the big spike in 1980, or about the same as the spike during 1990. Not to say that it won't go higher, obviously it can. But while it sounds horrible, it's not quite the worst shape we've ever been in.

Lo-Vo!

From the lovely and lively Jordana Adams, another brush with Volvosity:

I keep forgetting to tell you about a 240 I used to see around town all the time, but I think must have either met a sad fate or gone off to college with its owner. It was clearly owned by a teenage boy. It had had low-riding wheels put on, a double racing stripe painted down the center of the hood/top/trunk and on the windshield in big letters it said "Lo-Vo". I cracked up every time and I wish I'd gotten to take a photo of it.

If you ever want to "pimp your car", I suggest you consider moving in this direction.

Although there is/was another car in Nashville worthy of imitation. A Cadillac onto which someone had epoxied horns and had labelled "Cowdillac" with the custom plate saying "moo".

Hmmmm, I wonder if there'd be a way to combine the best of both worlds...

It's not a junkyard, it's a FUNYARD!

Yet another in an ever-growing chronicle of junkyard visits!

Anyway, I just had to go back and get those lovely blue rear seat headrests I had seen on my last visit. BUT FIRST, I had to figure out ahead of time how they come out, because I didn't want to get there and not have the right tool.

So, off first to my shop manuals.

Nothing. Not a blessed thing.

The factory manuals I have don't have the section about interiors, and the cheapo Haynes book says nothing about them. ON TO THE INTERNETS, where I found out that headrest removal is absolutely no different from any other topic of a technical nature, in that it seems the guys who are most willing to share their expertise are also the ones in most dire need of basic writing skills. Or skylz. It would be nice to just have a simple set of clear instructions.

I did find one obscure post that kinda had the information I was looking for, and it mentioned that there were 10mm nuts holding things together (somewhere) and that it needed two people--one inside to pull the rests upward, and someone in the trunk to release some sorts of clips. Hmm. Obviously, I am only one person. (Despite all the voices in my head.) This might take some ingenuity. Or stupidity.

Anyway, I began planning my raid on Wednesday night, when I got out my trusty 10mm combination wrench and a couple of pairs of Vise Grips. My plan being to use those as my extra set of hands to hold the clips in, while I was inside the junker pulling up on the headrests. I laid the tools in an inconspicuous place (i.e.--in plain sight, being that the garage is a mess) so that I could retrieve them yesterday morning without raising the suspicions of a certain wife of mine, who is not too keen on my ever-increasing forays to the wrecking yard.

Oh, and clothes. This one would require I have better clothes to wear, so before bed I bundled together my jeans and a tee shirt and my shoes, the reasoning being that I could bring them with me to work and change in the restroom before I left. After I got through, I would go home and drop my stuff off, clean up, then change back into my regular clothes for the dental visit.

You know, it's very complicated being a moron. Made more complicated just by the fact that I'm a moron.

ANYway, bailed out yesterday, grabbed my jeans from the office chair--I figured I could put on the tee-shirt and shoes later--changed in the restroom and headed off for the bad part of town.

Stuck my tools in my pocket, walked in, paid my buck, and sprinted to the lovely foreign car ghetto to see what I was in for. Remember, I had only briefly looked at the mounting beforehand the last time I was there, and had no pictures or anything else to study before I got there, so this was going to be an on-the-fly learning experience.

Okay, there it is. An '87, blue, hit hard on the front, and there are my headrests.

Okay.

There they are.

Yep, that's them.

I looked at the mounting brackets in the trunk. Hmm. Hard to see what sorts of release clips they were talking about. And hard to reach, too. Seeing as how they have everything up high on stacked rims, I couldn't reach the brackets at all. Gee, I wonder if I'll have to get IN there!? It was like a swamp, with both spare tire wells full of water. Eww. The thought also flashed through my mind of me, in the trunk, and a sudden gust of wind slamming it, trapping me forever. ::shudder::

Surely there's a better way to do this.

I hope.

And I still hadn't seen any sorts of 10mm nuts anywhere. Back around to the back seat. Maybe if I took the seatback off? The bottom cushion had already been undone and rolled forward, so I looked for something to undo the back cushion.

IMPORTANT INSTRUCTION NUMBER ONE--There are two sheetmetal tabs that form hooks down at the bottom corners of the back cushion. These hold two loops attached to the cushion itself that keep the seatback in place. Bend the sheetmetal tabs up, pull the bottom cushion forward until the loops clear the tabs, and then pull the seatback up hard. It might take a couple of bumps with your hand, but what happens is when you lift up, you are unhooking the clips at the top of the seat cushion from the sheetmetal. After you do that, the seatback will come right out.

It's surpisingly light. And bulky. I leaned it up against the fender and AH-HAH!

IMPORTANT INSTRUCTION NUMBER TWO--Those 10mm nuts? They hide behind the rear seatback. There is no other way to get the brackets off without taking the seatback out and getting to those nuts. Thankfully, they ARE 10mm. I would have been in bad shape if they were 11s or 12s.

I spun them off easily and both headrests were soon flopping on the package shelf. Now then--how do they come out?! Each one is supported by two metal rods that go down into the mounting brackets, and the mounting brackets were still attached and the mounting brackets were too big to come up through the holds where the metal rods went through. If I could just reach through to the trunk, but there was a piece of hardboard material (like the stuff they used to put on the back of TVs) blocking it off. Gee, if that was just out of the way...

WHAT AM I THINKING!? It's a junk car--I can just break that stuff out of the way! So I did. It snapped and buckled and pretty soon I had a nice big area to work with. I reached through and grabbed one of the mounting brackets, still attached to the metal headrest rod, and sorta pulled on it. Pop. Right into my hand.

SWEET!

I finally got to study it up close to see what the deal was with the clip.

IMPORTANT INSTRUCTION NUMBER THREE--these are NOT the kind of clips that PUSH IN. The Vise Grips I had still banging around in my pockets would have been useless, because the clips, which look a bit like the shirt clip of a pen and are made of white nylon (that can break off, by the way), have to be pulled out slightly to clear the notch in the metal rod. If needed, I would have had to put a flat piece of metal like a screwdriver under them to hold them up to remove the rests.

AS IT WAS, they all just came right off. With the brackets loose from the car, they would rotate around the headrest rod, so I just turned the brackets to the side of the rod without the notch, and they slid off with no problem. Two of the clips had already had the little lift tabs broken (again, the nylon they're made out of is fragile) but the clip action itself is unharmed.

SUCCESS!

I proudly gathered up my toys and started to leave. But--but--I wonder if there's anything ELSE I could find?

So, more plundering. I went down the rows and found a few of the round plastic discs that hold the carpet in place, and some instrument panel light bulbs, and two tiny windshield washer valves from a couple of different 740s (these keep the washer fluid from draining back to the jug), and HEY! LOOK!

SWANKY!

I found a nice (relatively speaking--it was nice when it was new) wagon that had the elusive factory accessory armrest in it! Of course, I didn't have the right sized wrench to get it out (I suppose I could have used the Vise Grips if I had remembered they were clanking in my pocket). No matter--I hadn't brought my screwdriver, either. Next trip.

Paid the princely sum of ten entire dollars for my goods and hurried out to the car, because it was now nearly 3:15, and I had to get home, unload, clean up, get re-dressed, and get to the Money-Sucking Pain-Inflictor--i.e., my dentist.

(Crossposted in extended form over on Possumblog.)

In case you were wondering...

...there IS something more boxy than a 240. (Lovely color photos here.)

Oh, and by the way, if you've ever had a hankering for a nice 240 wagon you could use for a huntin' car, here's how the Swedes fix 'em up with camo.

Hang up the keys?! NEVER!

A funny observation from friend and fellow Volvo owner (240 wagon) Jordana Adams on yet another Volvo driver she espied recently.

The To-Do List

I got to thinking about it last night--all the stuff I've done so far, and all the stuff I need to do for the "I am a Moron" Project to get it to a high level of completitude. To help me keep track (and provide yet more filler material for Revolvoblog) here is the list of stuff done and to do:

CHMSL reattachment
Odometer gear replacement
Windshield replacement
Tachometer/clock retrofit
Hubcap retrofit
Taillight replacement
Headlight conversion
Radiator flush
Injection control fuse replacement
Dashboard replacement
Rear headrest installation
Timing belt replacement
Radio retrofit
Heat riser hose replacement
Front seat spring repair
Suspension/driveline/mounting bushing replacement
Cupholder-armrest installation
Painting

The stricken parts are in order of completion (and I do intend to put the dates on there, for no other reason than I can), and the to-do part is kinda-sorta in order of priority.

Black Eye?

A story from AutoWeek (of which I am a subscriber), talking about the recently-launched NHTSA investigation of the electronic throttle module on various '99-'01 models.

I mention the story only because it's one of those examples the media tending to overstate things for the sake of ginning up controversy. The headline of the article--"Volvo's safety image suffers black eye as NHTSA investigates electronic throttle module issues"--which sounds terrible, is dampened in the article to "Volvo's safety image suffered a minor black eye last week." Make up your mind, folks--it's either bad or not.

And by what measure is this a black eye for the company's image? It is reported as though this is a common feeling, but is it really more just the opinion of the writer? Some kind of lightly disguised schadenfreude? Has Volvo suffered any dropoff of confidence? Of sales? Well, it's not reported, so it's hard to say exactly what effect it might have had, or will have in the future. If it has no effect, or if the company fixes whatever problem is uncovered quickly and to the satisfaction of owners, does that do them irreparable harm? Well, it would be nice to know, but that's just not in the story.

In the end, it's worth remembering that ALL vehicle manufacturers have problems, because every single car made is the product of human thought and effort. Things will always go wrong, and the truest test of how serious the company is, is how the error or fault is corrected. And at this point, it's hard to say the company isn't doing what it should--time will tell.

More Fixitupitude

While my wife and youngest daughter went back to school shopping Saturday, I decided to hop outside and work on Järn’s driver’s seat.

For some reason, the driver’s seat had always felt very flopsy--you could grab a corner and the whole seatback would wobble. It was very disconcerting while driving--almost like trying to sit on a basketball, with the seat shifting every time the brakes were applied or the wheel was turned. It really wasn’t a lot, but enough to be dizzying. I figured there was a couple of bolts down there that needed tightening, so I got my wrenches and went to work.

Pulling ancient honey-roasted peanuts out from between the seat and the driveshaft tunnel.

Seems the previous owner had a sweet tooth. And poor grip. But when I moved the seat forward all the way, there was a whole pile of nuts and pretzel pieces. After recovering from my swoon, I went and got a paint paddle and tried to get as much of the offending foodstuff scraped out, then brushed and vacuumed the area as best I could. Eyech.

NOW then, the wobblesome seat--I fidgeted around under there and tightened the only bolts I saw, which helped none at all. I decided to monkey with the seatback height adjuster and BINGO, that was it! Just sorta stumbled on that one, but there’s a lever underneath that you can squeeze, and then raise or lower the seatback. There are two tiny metal rods that pull on two metal locking pins, and ONE of those rods had fallen out of place, leaving the locking pin retracted, and allowing the seatback to jiggle freely. Once I got the rod back in and locked, I moved the seat a bit and both pins slammed home, securely locking the seatback once again. Hooray!

Then I cleaned it some more. Lots of stuff in there I thought I had gotten before. Also brushed the faded fuzz from the rear parcel shelf--what a mess that was. But at least it looks mostly blue again, now.

In other work, I thought I would see about dyeing the bumpers, and got all my stuff out, but the bumper material is different from the lower bodyside molding, and didn’t take well at all to the Kiwi treatment. It might have been too humid or too dry or too hot or something, but it was very streaky. I wound up taking the little bit back off that I had applied, and going over the entire bumper cover on the front and back with brake fluid. Which is really some evil stuff. I never have understood quite what’s in there to make it so very harmful to paint, but it’s got some kick to it, whatever it is. I doused a cloth with it and carefully put it on, and the bumpers look a lot better. Not quite as dark as the bodyside, but pretty good nonetheless.

Hmmm...

Volvo Makes Aftersales Parts, Service Information More Accessible

Auto manufacturer deploys global Web-based parts, service information system from Enigma

Burlington, MA — August 8, 2005 — Volvo Car Corp. recently rolled out Enigma Inc.'s a global aftersales parts and service information system built on the Enigma 3C Platform.

Now, mechanics at 3,000 dealers and 12,000 independent motor traders worldwide can use the vehicle identification number (VIN), or other key identifiers such as model, model-year and trim package, to access specific and up-to-date parts, pricing and repair information for any Volvo automobile.

Enigma said it is ensuring that mechanics around the world have direct access to all of the latest service information and can find and order parts with the click of a mouse. Volvo dealers have full online and offline support, meaning that each shop or mechanic has the choice of accessing service information via the Internet or from a DVD that can be updated with remote downloads. Independent repair shops can access the complete application via the Internet, giving them a replacement for the static paper or electronic manuals they have traditionally ordered from Volvo. [...]

I wonder if they'd let shade-tree mechanics use that? Might have to do a little research...

Good morning!

Junkyard finds this weekend? Oh, you bet. Once again dropped by the Pull-a-Part on the way home Friday--I have been annoyed of late because the hood seemed to be closing a bit too far, leaving a noticeable difference in height between the fenders and the hood surface. Turns out the little rubber bumper/snubber things (the same kind as I got for the trunk lid) had been crushed to nothingness over the years, and there was no way to adjust them any further out. SO, I needed another set, and set out to get some more.

And, well, I wanted to go back and get those hubcaps I'd left in the white 242 on the end of the row. At the time I got the current set, I'd laid aside the three less-nice examples inside the trunk of the junker. But I couldn't get them out of my mind--what if I lost one of my good ones!? I'd have nothing (cheap) to replace it with! So, that was the other reason for going--to see if they were still there.

Got there in my nice clothes after work Friday, paid my buck, and zipped out to the Volvo area. Found several sets of mostly good condition rubber nipples, and then WAAAAIT--very interesting! That's the problem with going here--I keep finding things I want. Like a nice set of blue rear headrests. I've been looking on Ebay, and they're somewhat pricish. But these looked pretty nice and were still spongy and unripped. Of course, since I'd only come to find black rubber whozits, I didn't have the tools to get the headrests, so that's another project for another after work stop.

Went on back and found that my three castoff hubcaps were still in the trunk, although someone got two of the trim rings. ::sigh:: Oh well, that's not SO bad--trim rings are easier to find. Gathered up my hub covers and paid the princely sum of $6.34 and took off for home.

OTHER WEEKEND FINDS--on Ebay, I managed to snag an UNCRACKED, COMPLETE dashboard! HOORAY! Of course, it's black and tan, but I am confident that with some of the SEM Color Coat vinyl paint, I should be able to get it pretty close to the proper color. And it certainly beats paying close to $700 for a factory one. Well, kinda. It was still pretty 'spensive.

FINALLY, some new items in the Cafepress shop--I finally figured out you have to make some pretty big images, so this weekend in between typing Reba's paper, I would churn out some designs on Printmaster, print them out, scan them, fix them in Photo Editor, then save them. Yes, it's terribly kludgy--but it's the only way I have at the moment to do .png images. SO, stop by over there and see if there's anything that strikes your fancy, and remember if there is a design you like but it's not on the product you want, I can change it up so you can order what you want.

"It's a dessert topping and a floor wax!"

New Volvo C70 both a coupe and convertible

ROBINSON/BEINTEMA

It's ready to take its place in the sun: the redesigned Volvo C70 convertible. But don't be surprised if it looks like a coupe!

Thanks to a three-piece retractable hardtop, customers of the second-generation Volvo C70 can enjoy wind-in-the-hair motoring without compromise. The new Volvo C70, with its clever disappearing hardtop, will be unveiled at the Frankfurt Motor Show in mid-September. Sales will begin in the middle of the 2006 calendar year.

"We've succeeded in creating an attractive convertible which, at the mere touch of a button, converts into an equally elegant coupe," says Hans-Olov Olsson, president and chief executive officer of Volvo Car Corporation. "The customer gets two cars in one, with space for four adults." […]

Well, then, seems like it should seat eight.

Anyway, in one of those odd sorts of historical confluences, Volvo's parent company does have some history in this type of vehicle configuration.

Silly Trinkets!

Since the beginning of time, my other blogsite has been free from any commercial content, since portions of it are done, ahhhh, not from home. But since the "I Am A Moron" Project blogsite you're reading now has been spun off to its own little corner of the web, and since I intend for it to be done during playtime, I didn't think it would hurt if it had its own way of generating parts-purchasing small change. So, if you ever wanted a shirt with a B230F engine on it, or junk like that, there is a place you can get stuff like that.

Also, be aware that there are some Google ads down on the right sidebar--I don't have too much command over what gets posted there, so caveat emptor and all, but Google does a pretty good job of matching ads to blog content, so if you see something of interest, click on it and see how it looks.

Well, friends...

I have now concluded bringing over all of the material I had written about my car over on my other blog, so from here on out, it'll be all fresh information. Mostly.

Ouch.

[Originally published on Possumblog on August 1, 2005.]

Wouldn't you know it, but it held off raining long enough for me to cut the grass Saturday. Twice. Once to get off the upper ranges of the overgrowth, then once more to pick up the big gobby soppy windrows (or, to be more precise, lawnmowerrows) of wet clippings that made long clods across the yard. The normal two-hour meditation session hour lasted three and a half, and my ankles are sore, and my hips, and the bony parts of my elbows (the elbones, for you medical types). BUT, doggone it, the grass (i.e., weeds) is (are) cut and now I can once again rejoin the good graces of my neighbors.

One of whom is new. I didn't realize it, but our rear neighbor Young Phyllis George Lookalike Girl and her husband and kids moved at some time in the near past, and sold their house to someone else. I met the new neighbor guy Saturday when we were trying to shoo away someone's big stupid hound dog that wandered into our yards (and got into his dog's pen). Nice guy, but he sure has a long way to go before looking like a young Phyllis George.

Let's see, what else--OH, I picked up my suits Friday with the reet pleat and drape shape, and I must say I look very acceptable in both. Also dropped off my old suit to be snugged up a bit.

Then I went home to drop things off before meeting up with Reba and the kids over at her mom's house. Seems she allowed herself to be dragged into the preparations for the Saturday shindig, so we had supper over there while she and the kids helped out. BUT, before I got there, there was the Super Terrific Big Gift Box to ME (whom it is all about) that arrived, just as I was getting the trash can in. Mr. UPS stopped outside on the street and delivered a big long box full of BRAND NEW EUROPEAN GLASS HEADLAMP UNITS (made in Taiwan) for a certain spiffy old Volvo. COOOL! I have tried the polish route on the clear plastic lenses, which managed to not do too much. The lenses are still foggy-looking, and by gum, I want to be able to see to drive and not have to put up with a dull and ugly front end.

On the car, at least.

SO, with a portion of the proceeds from Moby, I laid down some dough for some nice(-ish--they aren't quite as wonderful as OEM, but they only cost half as much) E-code lamps and side marker lamps. Only problem is they didn't send the new bulb connectors. I will withhold judgement on the company (FCP Groton) until I see how they handle this small, but crucial, oversight.

But, I am tickled nonetheless.

EVEN MORE SO, my evil plan to corrupt the pure and innocent Miss Reba with my dementia seems to be bearing fruit! BUWAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA!

Saturday as I was taking a break from killing myself, I had taken a moment to fix one of my new taillight bulbs. One of the backup lights wasn't coming on, so I had to fix that--it was just not pushed all the way in to the bulb holder--and as I was doing that, Miss Reba came out to see how I was doing and to deliver a cold drink to me.

"Let me ask you something, Terry."

::gulpgulpgulpHUHAHUgulpgulp::glup "Uh?"

"Since you got your little shiny hubcaps from the junkyard, and your new taillights, and you painted--"

"Dyed."

"--dyed your plastic stuff on the doors, and since you're going to do the bumpers so they will all look nice, have you ever thought about getting something to make these--"

She was pointing at the headlights! YES!

"YES! They're right inside the garage! They came yesterday. And they're not plastic--they're EUROPEAN style GLASS ones that won't get all dull-looking! AND it comes with new lights for the sides, too!"

The European reference hooked her--"OOooo!" she said.

So, it appears my evil plan is paying off. Of course, any evil plan, or for that matter, any Moron Project, requires maintenance, so I will have to be sure to buy her some chocolate ice cream. And finish typing her paper.

And I was also a good sport and took the two older girls to the cookout our youth minister had yesterday for the teenagers, after we had already worn ourselves out with two worship services and lunch all smacked together right after another that morning at church. I had intended just to drop them off and come back to the house.

And there I was, thinking I might get to sit and rest and read the paper.

Wrong.

But before all that, I had to go get gas in her car, then go by the drugstore to pick up some medicine, then get some vittles (chips, dip) for the girls to take with them to the cookout, and then hauled them over there and HAD TO STAY WITH THEM. Reba was very insistent that I stay, since parental presence was the only thing that would have made Rebecca want to stay. The older kids occasionally act like older kids to the younger ones, and it hurts Rebecca's feelings.

Actually, it turned out to be pretty fun. I kidded the minister about burning up the hamburgers, and then sat down and played about five hands of UNO with Rebecca and her friends, which helped make it fun for her, and then we got to eat and I sat and chatted with a couple of the moms who were there without manly accompaniment (me being a somewhat close approximation thereof), then Rebecca and her friends went and got sweaty playing hide-and-seek. Ashley stayed in the house to hone her flightly laugh-talk jabbering skills. It was all very good, aside from the flies. Time to go about 7:30, so back to home, and pretty much that was that.

Oh, wait--forgot about the soiree at Grandma's on Saturday. I was a model of anti-socialism. I was so beat from the grass-cutting and inflatable pool removal (it deflated and spilled out all that precious water onto the ground, and also managed to rot the ground underneath so that it started breeding flies--really) that about all I wanted to do was sit and vegetate. Tons of people, a lot of whom I hadn't seen in years, but I wasn't able to do much more than say 'hey' and sit on the steps. Time to eat, I got a plate, and since Grandma broke her own rule and allowed the children to go downstairs, I made myself the deputy warden and went down there to keep an eye on them and make sure they didn't tear anything up or spill things. And got treated to a three-hour Fairly Odd Parents marathon. Actually, a pretty funny show--this was the first time I'd been able to see it, and I was in the proper exhausted mode necessary for it to be really, REALLY funny. And I didn't have to make idle chit-chat with adults, so it was all good.

Anyway, an action-packed weekend full of food and confusion. Oh, and I'm sore.

OH, and how could I forget!? I also had to go buy a battery for the Honda Saturday morning. I thought the kids might have left a light on or something, because it was very hard to get going Friday night, but they hadn't left anything on. 75,000 miles? Yep, probably time for a battery. So, FIRST thing Saturday, before I started the grass-cutting, I went down to Advance Auto Parts to get them to put in a new one. Done in about ten minutes, the only problem being that since the battery had been disconnected, the radio was now in anti-theft mode, and in order to play it, I was supposed to put in some sort of five-digit code. Which I had no idea where I could find. We bought the van used, and I never saw any sort of code or other radio information.

::sigh::

Sounded like a trip to the dealer.

Got home and was looking in the passenger door bin to find whatever had been rattling, opened the glovebox to see if the rattle was in there, and saw a small sticker on the side of the box. White, black numerals. Hmm. Five digits, followed by a series of numbers underneath. I wonder....

Turned on the ignition, turned on the radio, punched in the five digits--EUREKA! That was the code! I was very happy. Until, of course, I had to cut the grass.

And yes, the lawnmower blade insisted on coming loose again, so I had to stop and go buy a 22 cent lock washer from the hardware store to finally fix it once and for all. Or until next time.

ANYway, that's it.

Lunchblogging AND Catblogging!

[Originally published on Possumblog on July 29, 2005.]

Boy, aren't YOU thrilled!

Lunch was very okay--we went to Moe's Southwestern Grill over off of HIghway 280 where Rossi's used to be (the mark of a true Southerner being that he gives directions to strangers based upon landmarks that no longer exist). Parking's always like a demolition derby, and I absolutely hate having to order things based on their stupid Seinfeld/Friends/other 20th Century references, and I hate hearing the guy at the register shout "WELCOMETOMOE'S!!" at no one in particular, and I hate the pictures they stuck up on the wall to show what the food looks like, because one of them looks like what the food will look like after it's been put through the miraculous human digestive system.

Overall, okay food, though. I got the Homewrecker with chicken and black beans. Should be quite an experience for anyone within earshot (or noseshot) in about an hour or so.

AS FOR LUNCH, had you been there you would have gotten to hear about Jeep driving, nouveau riche rednecks and their cussed infidelity, tensile structures, real linoleum, interviewing for jobs that you know you'll never get, gristle (Jeff got the steak version of what I got, and it was full of cartilaginous goodness), modern art of a sort, valet parking, Kiwi Black Shoe Dye, wives, women, bosses, lime, pig sphincters, and work avoidance. All in all, quite a list, reading back over it.

After we were through, out to admire the blackness of my lower body molding, counterpointed with the shiny trim rings and rich Estonian plastic taillights. He was quite impressed. Took him down the hill to the nearby office building where he wound up having to park, swapped magazine, told him my trick of using an open tin of wintergreen Altoids to make the car smell nice inside, gave him one of the funk-infused Altoids so he would smell just as fresh, and then wandered back here.

FOR CATBLOGGING! AND MORON PROJECT PHASE II REPORTS! BOTH! TOGETHER! IN ONE POST!

Ouch, my throat hurts from all that shouting.

Anyway, yesterday afternoon, I set to work changing out the taillights after I got supper going on a low heat. In the midst of the changeover, Reba and the Oldest and Youngest girls came home and went inside, and then all of a sudden, I noticed I had a visitor.

"Whatcha dooooin'?"

"I'm changing out the taillights on the old car so they'll be pretty and shiny."

"Can I help?"

What daddy could resist!?

So, here is my little mechanic's helper-Cat, holding the offending passenger side taillight, as she stands beside the newly installed version--




Next, the driver's side, which our youngster points at here with remarkable grace and aplomb:



Out with the nasty old fixture and its barely-repaired lenses, which can be seen in this stunning photograph-



AND, in with the new, which made someone very happy--



And for some reason, she decided to demonstrate this subtle bit of oddness--



All in all, a very productive afternoon and evening, especially after supper, when I typed another five pages or so of Reba's research paper.

AS YOU NO DOUBT RECALL...

I had to leave early yesterday to go get the three younger members of the clan enrolled for the new school year. Ashley's was Wednesday and Mom got to take her to that one, which was just fine by me. Although the fees were startlingly huge.

For yesterday, Cat's registration at the elementary school was at 3, then Boy and Middle Girl were to follow up at 5 at the middle school. And I took off at noon, which meant--what else, but, FUNTIME WITH THE MORON PROJECT!

Hooray!

Yes, this was done deliberately. See, I have lunch with My Friend Jeff today to swap magazines (the ones he forgot to bring two weeks ago), and he hasn't seen the new shiny hubcaps. But he HAS seen the ugly chalky-looking lower bodyside moldings--they look terrible, as witnessed by these photos I took yesterday to impress everyone.

This is the area behind the rear wheel--yuck--



and this is the rocker panel molding--also blech--



This is a pretty common problem for a lot of cars. The oils evaporate, and it gets all gray looking after a while, and there's not much you can do to make it look any better. It eventually gets to the point where even brake fluid won't cut the chalky film. So, your alternatives are to paint it with flexible black bumper paint, which is (as I found out with Moby) a rather arduous task, although it does wind up looking pretty okay. Sorta. Or you can get some stuff that's pretty expensive--at least 18 bucks (including shipping) for a couple of 4 ounce bottles of cleaner and black inky stuff you apply to the offensive areas. Heard good things about the product, but being a cheapo and a moron, I figured there surely had to be SOMETHING out there that would also do the job.

I especially got to thinking this when I was at the grocery store the other day, and passed by the shoe polish, and had a sudden brainstorm (actually, more of a light passing shower). There were all these bottles of Kiwi Black Leather Dye sitting there. "Hmm," I said to myself, because as you know, I say that a lot.

"I wonder," I continued, "if this junk would be just as good as the stuff they sell in the IPD catalog? I mean, it's black, and made to be water-resistant, and certainly does a good job on shoe leather. Hmm." At the time, I left it there, because let's face it, it's a silly idea.

That is, until I checked a few places on the lovely Internets, and found that OTHER moron-project holders had done the exact same thing, and found that it worked just as well, IF NOT BETTER, than the product made to do it. Add to this the fact that it's about one-quarter of the cost. THRIFTY MORON MAN into action!

I figured it wouldn't hurt to try a bit and see what happened. Couldn't look any worser. SO, on the way home yesterday, I dropped by Winn-Dixie, picked up a couple of bottles (not knowing how much it would take), and a set of three cheap-o foam paintbrushes, and some aluminum pot pie tins to pour the juice into (not wanting to risk the ire of anyone who might have an emotional attachment to the various plastic butter bowls that pack the kitchen cabinets), and a Diet Coke for fortitude.

Off to home, changed out of my work duds into something suitable for slopping black gunk everywhere, and then hopped back downstairs. I figured it would be a good idea to wipe the plastic down with some degreaser, just in case, so I got my old can of that and a cloth and my brushes and my dye and my pie pans and WHEW, boy, it sure is hot at noon in Alabama!

I sat down on the concrete and started wiping sweat and degreaser off and on with equal rapidity. Moment of truth--popped off the lid, then the tiny foam pad applicator, poured some of the elixer into the pan, dabbed the brush into it, and went to work. WOW! Let me tell you, fellow moron friends, this stuff ROCKS!

Just be sure to smooth it out neatly, and color a panel at a time, and understand that for the worst areas, you might have to go over it twice or more to get full color, and if you sit on the concrete in the middle of the day in Alabama without shade you sweat a lot and it stings your eyes and makes your neck burn up. But, the sun does have the benefit of rapidly drying the liquid, so you can work pretty quickly. And the results are quite worthwhile--

This is the passenger side--nice and inky black now!



The only problem is that now the bumper covers, which heretofore had looked nice and black now look dingy in comparison. BUT, I had no time for those, because it was now rapidly approaching after 2:00, and I had to clean up, run go run get Cat, and get to the school before 3:00.

WILL I MAKE IT!?

Tune in for the NEXT exciting episode!

[I did, by the way. Originally published on Possumblog on July 29, 2005.]

See what I miss by not having cable!?

[Originally published on Possumblog on July 26, 2005.]

I was just browsing through Amazon for interesting things, and came across this--a video of an A&E special from 2000 on VOLVOS!

Good GRIEF! Can you IMAGINE the excitement and thrilling scenery that must contain! Well, even though I don't have cable, I can at least watch the tape.

Of course, for entertainment value, it's still hard to beat a book, such as this one, or better still, this one. Nothing like curling up with one and a nice cold glass of Diet Coke.

But before all that, I really need some of this. Nothing like hiding the gray to make things look younger, you know!

Odds and Ends.

[Originally published on Possumblog on July 20, 2005.]

Went yesterday at (late) lunch to see about how much it would cost to get the Volvo painted. Even at the cheapo mass-production paint slopper, it would cost more than it’s worth. Walked in to the shop over in Fairfield, and was surprised to see the exact same badly bewigged dude who used to work at a different shop out in Roebuck. You know, some guys can look pretty good with a hairpiece. But there are just some hairpieces that look bad, period, and the guy under it would be a LOT better off to just let the wind blow through his scalp. Such as this guy. The fur pile, something of a late ’70 groovy swooper, was daintily perched atop his pate, with a nice broad gap between the edge of the piece and the skin, all around the perimeter.

Anyway, these type of paint places work on volume, and they don’t really do a great job of painting, but what they CAN do is an incredible job of coming up with all kinds of pictures to show you what all can go wrong with paint. But not theirs, of course.

NO, never.

Theirs is the best in the business. See? A warranty, and for a whole YEAR! That means QUALITY!

But, I knew that going in, and wanted to at least see what their price would be.

Hair Patty Guy had another customer in the shop, whom he coddled and joshed with and fed him a continual line of soft-soap patter about how great his car looked, and how nice his daddy was, and how pretty that flip-flop paint was and how it made something like a purplish aura around the car--or something like a violet-blue color, but more in the purple range, especially out in the sun. Really pretty.

Finally, he got through blowing smoke up that guy’s skirt and got to me. “HEY! You know what--you look just like Stephen King! You know, the author---Stephen King!”

Folks, I have been told I look like country singer Roy Clark, and like “Voice of the Crimson Tide” Eli Gold (in fact, the moronic color copier guy just came in to give us a chat, and the first thing he said when he walked in the room was, “Hey, you look like Eli Gold!”), and even like genial local television anchor Scott Richards. But I have NEVER IN MY LIFE ever been compared to Stephen King. As you can imagine, I was speechless. “No one ever told you that!? You look just like him! Guy that wrote all them books.”

“Ah, well, no, no one’s ever said I look like Stephen King.”

“Well, you do! Let’s go look and see what you got out there.” We walked to the door, “Bet you wish you had his money, huh?”

“Yep.”

He and his clipboard walked around the car, and he went into full, feeding-frenzied-shark mode, tapping on various body panels and sighing and whistling and figuring with his tiny little pencil. “What sort of paint job did you want--I mean, I can paint it and send you away, but it wouldn’t look like the factory paint, or I can give you a full job--strip the roof, the trunk, the hood, fix the dents, make it look real pretty and new and shiny--whew! Boy, that acid coming out of the building into the sewer pipe smells BAD!”

“I don’t want the cheapest job, but I need to know a general price for painting it so it looks like factory paint.”

“Okay, come on back inside where it’s cool. It’s hot out here.”

We went back inside where it’s cool, and he started scratching with his pencil and humming to himself and figuring and ciphering and carrying the 1 and such, then got agitated and said, “Well, if we do the prep package--and look--look here at this picture I got here--this here’s what’s happening to your paint on there now, it’s got these here cracks--” He had jumped up and was patting a poster on the wall that detailed the horrors of paint badness--like one of those gingivitis posters in the dentist’s office, except with sheetmetal.

“Look, I just need a price for painting the car--I’m in a hurry, I’m on my lunch hour, and I need to get back.”

I think I hurt his feeling.

He sat back down and started more figuring and finally arrived at a figure of $902. I asked him if they gave written estimates. He wrote it on the back of his business card.

Thanks, mister.

Out the door, and then decided to go by my first choice, but one I knew was going to be tremendously expensive. Don Lenoir Auto Paint and Body, out in Ensley, has been in the business forever, and do some of the best paintwork in town, and more to the point, are scrupulously honest and forthright about what they’re going to do, and how, and how long it’s going to take. Super nice folks, but what I figured was right--more than the price of the car. But they do it right, and I know it would be better to pay more and have it right the first time than to keep screwing around with the paint slingers and have them mess it up. Time to start saving up. I figure by next year I’ll have enough in the Moron Project Fund to make it look brand new again.

AS IT IS, it looks better with the new hubcaps--even Reba thought so, and she’s notoriously unpicky about such things.

Here’s the before, with the pizza pan wheel covers--



And here is what the wheels themselves looked like underneath the wheel covers--



And, finally, here is the hot sexy Swede NOW!--


The photos look a bit hazy because the camera had been inside the house in the cold air conditioning, and the moment it hit the tropical air outside, everything fogged up. And then, yesterday when I drove home, it came another one of those late afternoon monsoons, and it messed up my nicely polished trim rings! ::shakes fist at Mother Nature::

IN other odds and ends, after we got home last night, we went back to the Galleria so I could get myself a couple of suits. Same store I visited the weekend before last, except THIS time the sales manager was working. Now, THIS guy knows how to move material! Completely efficient, called me back first thing this morning to let me know he’d ordered my plain, uncuffed pants, and said he’d let me know when they were in and I could come back for the fitting. He was so nice I bought two suits--one a charcoal with faint multi-colored pinstripes something like I have now, and a navy blue pinstripe like the kind I used to have that I wore slap out. In all, I was in and out in about 15 minutes.

I will be so danged purty, people are going to start mistaking me for that George Clooney feller!

THEN we went shopping for Rebecca and Catherine some pants. It took two hours, and they got four pairs of pants. ::sigh::

Now then, off to go get my black shoes reheeled and get some lunch, and then back here to finish some more stupid typing work.

OH, HEY--another odd end--CNN/Money Magazine voted my little ville of Truss to be the 56th best place to live in America this year! WOO-HOO! WE'RE NUMBER 56!! Watch out, Madison, Mississippee--next year we're gunning for 55th!